I thought that once I allowed my mind to see the truth... which was that our relationship had been over for a long time (a thought which I avoided seeing for many years)... I could not 'un-know' it.
So I'd blush or my heart would jump when he saw me working on it. As if he'd possibly be able to connect it. But there it is.
Long time ago now. Happy now. Nice kids. Nice life. All good so don't you worry.